The pretty, the ugly and
“The Reality of Life”

They talk about Narcissus as the man who was so consumed about his own image that he drowned in it, but then I think perhaps he didn’t have good friends or caring family to tell him that he was ok so he would mirror a healthier image of himself.

In my case I guess is not as much as that, because of course I can see my friends or loved ones perfectly when it comes to physical appearance but not me.

The thing is that no matter how hard I look I ask myself, do I ever get to see myself clearly? Is my selfsteem so low that I depend on the others complements to feel a bit better about the way I look?

On the other hand, what happen with those who see themselves a little too clearly? Is that wrong? Or maybe they have heard so many times how awesome they look until they finally just believed it, maybe they used to be like me before they really understood the importance about high-selfsteem.

Anyway, we ought to admit that this is a bit dangerous because we might start feeling much more confident and sexy which will lead us to feel more comfortable. But we are humans and we are supposed to share with the rest of the world and we better handle this very carefully because the may not take it as good as we do.

What I mean is that we might end up making them uncomfortable and the next thing you know is that you’re a cocky full of yourself girl who thinks she is better than the other people. Considering other people’s feelings is always a nice measure to avoid the rest of making tacky comments about ourselves.

When you are not sixteen anymore, and your body or your looks are not the way to be accepted in the most high class or “coolest” of the groups you start to know the life as it is, “the reality of life” where people is different from those pictures on fashion magazines.

The truth is that are all our flaws which make us attractive or so much more beautiful, the thing is the world’s so ruled by beauty and fashion that we actually forget our “realselves” and when we fall down is very difficult to get up and go on with life feeling ok about yourself.

We have to learn how to look at ourselves clearly, even so, if you accept yourself, flaws and all, believe me… it makes you able to keep on walking on the rundown that is life, looking down at the public and feeling good about the real life.

The Cheating Factor
Men vs Women

“Men cheat for the same reason a dog licks its balls, because they can, is part of their biology” a friend of mine said, so the best resolution she could find was that instead of condemning it she should learn to live with it and handle the situation very maturely considering the small fact that women cheat too.

Although I must admit that for me is a very different thing, whereas men cheat for pleasure and no deep feelings involved at all, women don’t!... I mean, I’ve never seen a woman running off attacking randomly any man she’s attracted to, under my point of view, the reason is very simple, we’re just not driven by testosteron but emotions, that stupid romantic little voice inside which tell us “mate for life”, however this works only under certain circunstances of course.

The problem may start when you, as a couple, don’t have an equal definition of cheating and you prefer either don’t tolerate it at all or just being more realistic about human nature and considerate the years of loving and understanding relationship that you’ve had above all.

But defining cheating in absolute terms is just complicated because we ought to admit that someone’s definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they want to cheat. Besides, a male friend came out with the idea which kept me thinking until this moment. “Cheating is like noise, if you couldn’t feel it, it was never there at all” he said.

So, the bottom line of all these lead me to meditate that the act of cheating is defined by the act of getting caught, one doesn’t exist without the other, is this like so? Are we all destinated to do it at certain point? Anyway, the debate is open.

Nice Guys vs Bad Boys

There are two fields when it comes to men, The Nice Guys and The Bad Boys and very often it’s The Bad Boy’s area where women want to hang out. I often hear women complaining about not having a decent man, only to go on a date with a Nice Guy and moan about him being too nice.

It seems that a bastard is the preferred man of choice because they have “a thing” and it seems to make things exciting. They don’t make things exciting though; they make it really difficult and lower a woman’s self esteem. I’ve always said I have an ‘affliction’ which I beg women to get rid of and get vaccinated against it as soon as possible, and even though is difficult you must try.

A nice guy is first a human being, which means that he is not perfect and makes mistakes. They don’t have an adiction for cheating, or the other types of dishonesties that bad boys frequently have and instead wants to respect the woman emotionally and physically.

When they mess up they want to do better and they want to make a woman happy and are not afraid to be happy with ‘just’ one woman. Looks have nothing to do with it but I often perceive that men who don’t find themselves attractive automatically put themselves into the category of Nice Guy, even when they shouldn’t by the way because an average looking guy can still be a Bad Boy.

There are men out there that have become disillusioned by the modern woman because it appears that nice guys are looked down by the women that prefer the bad boys. I understand why these men feel frustrated. Very often you see women going out with men from the Bad Boy’s field, they get burned and after that some poor unfortunate ‘Nice Guy’ gets hurt by the left overs.

Let’s see how it works: woman meets Nice Guy, woman doesn’t trust Nice Guy because of bad experiences, Nice Guy has to work double time to prove himself and also play the good listener because the Bad Boy had an impact on her. I feel for them, I really do.

No woman should be going into a relationship saying ‘I know that I’m being weird but X was such a bastard that I just don’t know how to trust you’. This isn’t fair on Nice Guy and he’s being judged on the merits of someone who doesn’t have a good judgement in the first place.

Why isn’t the Nice Guy as attractive to women as the Bad Boy?

I think a lot of women think that Bad Boy means fun and excitement. Many women think that a guy with a naughty look is more attractive. I believe this comes from the fact that a Bad Boy mistreating a woman means lust, emotional dependency, and confused feelings of love.

Women associate drama with love and if there’s plenty of it, it must be it. When there aren’t sparks or butterflies in your tummy the poor Nice Guy doesn’t have a chance.

Nice Guys generally call when they’re supposed to. They don’t pretend they’re interested when they’re not and they tend to be a little bit more open about how they feel about you. Most don’t try and get into your panties on the first date and even if they do they won’t disrespect you for it because it was a two way thing.

Nice Guys don’t raise the voice to you, they don’t try to make you feel small when they should be making you feel like you’re on top of the world, and they have a tender kind of respect for you. They’ll still leave the toilet seat up, they won’t apologise until they got really desperate and they still tend to think they’re right, and they try to solve your problems instead of listening to you.

There is something that the disillusioned Nice Guys need to take responsibility for though. It’s all very well bemoaning your lack of success with the women that like Bad Boys, but what is the point of going after these women? Why aren’t these Nice Guys interested in women that don’t go after Bad Boys? There is nothing that says that a Nice Guy can’t go after a woman that wants a Nice Guy. I do believe there are a lot of women out there who do love a Bad Boy, but I also know that there are a hell of a lot of women that don’t. In fact, I’m pretty sure that there are as many women out there wanting a Nice Guy as there are Bad Boys! I believe these guys don’t go after these women because they are not exciting, which means they are just as guilty as the women that have created their frustration!

When Nice Guys chase women that are not interested in them and then announce their disillusion they are equally as guilty as the women that moan about men being bastards and then skip down the road to Bad Boy. It’s all about choices and these people need to break the cycle.

The reason why these women that like Bad Boys keep going back to them is because it’s a habit, a cycle, the only routine they know. Their emotional levels respond to being treated like they are when they’re with these men and until they address it, they will keep falling into the same trap. Likewise, the guy who lusts after a woman that doesn’t register him on her radar needs to change his habits too. I’m not saying that Nice Guys can’t be attracted to these women but it does make sense to shift the attraction to women that have a propensity to be interested in a Nice Guy and that recognise the value of what he has to offer. Why keep busting your nuts trying to prove yourself over and over again to someone that doesn’t see how great you are?

I think this whole Nice Guy thing is subjective. Bad Boys are more clear cut and easier to pinpoint and there are men out there who are claiming to be Nice Guys when they have no business doing so. When a man has headed into the territory where disillusioned has become misogynistic and disrespectful and hateful of women I think they need pack up their bags and go and camp with the Bad Boys where they belong.

I’ve dated Nice Guys and I haven’t ended it because they’re nice, but because there wasn’t a meeting of the minds. I liked to be challenged mentally, emotionally etc and with my type of personality it’s difficult to be with someone that lacks assertiveness. I can take shy but I can’t think and speak for someone. I hope to settle down with a Nice Guy one day and whilst I don’t exactly hold my ex’s in high regard, I must admit that I’m fortunate that I haven’t really dated any Bad Boys.

Much as I do believe that there are Nice Guys out there, I must stress that all men are the same and the one that you end up with is the one that has the great qualities to a greater extent and the irritating ones to a lesser extent! The Nice Guys out there, if they truly are as lovely as they claim to be will get snapped up because there a lot of women out there crying out for a good man. So for that special Nice Guys who I wrote this for just hang in there and enjoy yourself until you meet the woman that recognises all of your fabulous qualities.

Maybe I need a man

This has been possibly the longest weekend I've had in ages, I've worked a los in installing all the stuff in my new place and now that I realized I have to work tomorrow I 've got a slight headache.

My weekend started in a very active way, I went shopping to the hardware store so Icould get my ass to do all the things I was suppoused to, and eventhough I felt instigated by the fact everybody was in a couple.
Everywhere I looked couples, holding hands, shopping together, kissing, having fun and sharing laughs, anyway they were were just being couples.

Then I started to think it had been ages since I last had that and as much as I love my independence and freedom I sometimes do miss some of those things. I remember I used to get frisky in public and loved those long passionated french kisses some of which were enough to make people feel uncomfortable passing by next to us.

We single girls get used too easily to be alone and normally revel in our singledom and carefree lives but then suddenly it comes to us that it would be nice to have a boyfriend. Then of course after we get one we're moaning or whining our respective partmers beacuase they don't call enough, the leave the toilet seat up, they don't treat us as we want them to.

I know our time will come... yadda yadda yadda... and to be honest we don't go out searching for it, but it would be nice to find some nice men, not assholes like our previous boyfriends because God knows we've had enough of them but decent men. And the fact that there are six women for every man in Antofagasta doesn't help either.

The thing is that in this awfull city the shortage of men makes twicest difficult to get one or even worst, a good one, whenever you go to a place where you might find a goodlooking charming guy they're being haunted by hundreds of women ho are in the same spot as we are.

So, "I need a man" I thought several times during the weekend when I went out searching for those things I mentioned I neededto et off in my place.

Once in the hardware store and after listening to the attendant questions I found out those aren't issues I've never even bothered to get to know in the past. I had to idea which kind of nail I should use for my walls, or what type of adaptor I'd like for my 2 prong-plug, or any of those difficult to remember names for those things you ought to get if you want to hang your freaking shelves on the wall. How was I suppoused to know they needed to be drilled into it anyway!! A couple of times came up to my mind why did it look like such a good idea to start with the whole thing in the first place, I wonder if a man has ever had this kind of thoughts at all.

It was always when I couldn't get the stupid light in the bathroom to work, reach for something really high up, pick up something heavy, kill an awfull insect, particularly spiders (they are everywhere aren't they?) or just moving things around when I thought it'd be great to have a guy and he would look so good laid on my bed programming the channels with the remote control so I don't have to do it myself, and among all those things having a relationship doesn't sound like a bad idea after all.

After this weekend I'm definetly back in the game and due to my mum's visit last week I must admit I don't have the best of the attitudes in this matter, I've just haven't seen much sunshine after my blue Jody period, sometimes so many dark clouds don't let you enhace the way to brightness again. But I promissed myself I'll start to look at the glass half full from now on.

An “ex”, a dilemma

Life is all about making choices, some of them, like who is the right guy for us, are big, while the others are bigger, like should I be friends with my ex?

Some women think that if a man doesn’t want a long-term meaningful relationship, his friendship is worthless so we ought to withhold the friendship as a punishment, because when things really work out our friendship is a bonus.

In nature, the black widow spider bites off her mate’s head when they’re through with the mate act, but human females don’t need to be so radical, for me is better to think: “we didn’t work out, I need you not to exist”, however my romantic female nature pushes me through issues like “if you really loved someone and then you broke up, where did the love go?.

Maybe a more pessimistic point of view could be: “did the love ever exist when we were together?”. Anyway, this leads me to that popular myth which says that there’s always someone who loves more than the other in a relationship.

Obviously you aren’t aware of this fact until you see him with the “new girlfriend”, and there’s where my question is answered, where did the love go?... well it rushed off straight to the “new girlfriend”, after that we MUST, I insist, we MUST move on. Wake up everyday and repeat to yourself: “they’re happy, we’re over”.

In mathematics the “x” stands for the unknown, right?. So a plus b equals x but what is really unknown for me is what? plus what? equals friendship with an “ex”, and what happens when you were the one who loved more and he was only “trying” to commit or just having a good time over you?

I must admit then, that when the love factor is stronger in your side you’re going to end up knee-deep in shit questioning yourself, and trying to figure out “why not me?” or even worse “why is he able to commit with someone else?”, this face is the worst!

Finally after a couple of moths crying, depressive and with a few more kilos gained, you are capable of looking at the whole situation under a very different perspective, maybe the problem wasn’t you, maybe the problem is that some girls aren’t meant to be tamed and maybe some guys aren’t ready to deal with it.

In a chauvinistic society like today’s, self-sufficient and independent women aren’t looking for the guy who tame them, today’s women need to run free until they find someone just as wild as them to run with, and only after that the friendship grows big.

24 year-old Girl Agony

I will try not to be cynical bug the fact that I’m almost 25 isn’t exactly what I was planning it would be. Most people I know think that because I’ll be 25 anytime soon I may be an adult but the moment I turned 24 my perspective of the world hadn’t changed that much actually.
I definetly have my visions. Dremans and goals about what I want within the next few years but I can’t say the confusion from my teenage era has dissapeared completely.
I’ve been thinking that being an adult involve a lot of things such as saving, for instance, which I’m not good at all. My salary shares out among my rent, my clothing and my shoe adiction and obviously I consider that if you don’t own your place or are planning to do it as soon as possible, I’m sorry I cannot call you an adult.
How can I be an adult what I’m not chossy about who I date or go to bed with? I certainly don’t think of things with a view to marriage and nobody who I’m currently seeing seems to be that special someone that I’d like to be around all my life.
When I’m with a guy I tend to blind myself about the things that bug me in the early stages of the relationship and are normally those things that pissed me the most and make me end it up in really gross terms and afterwards I just can’t be my X’s friend.
An mature sefl-centered woman doesn’t ignore her guts or whenever she has a hunch, in my case, I barely have hunches and if I ever do they’re probably wrong. I live my life as if it was an adventure, in a “Forrest Gump” kind of way, where I never know what am I gonna get, and when things turn out bad I cry and hate myself for being such an idiot and naive.
My older brother and sister are so sure about their worth at work, they like their jobs and even though the might not be able to do all they want with what they earn, their debts and mortgages put them into the category of adults anyway.
As long as I’m concerned, by the way, I don’t work on what Im suppoused to and my university diploma by now is only used to look proudly hung on my paretns’ living room wall, so they can show it off, you know.
Don’t get me wrong though, I like my job and I’ve made quite well at ironing out those issues that I might not be happy with because I’ve realized this is where I’m gonna stay for a couple more years so I’ve handled my schedules of course to do all my favorite out-door activities from time to time, therefore, I love it.
I guess at this age I’m not able to give any kind of advices to anyone about anything but if I could mention something which I’ve learned during the last 25 years is to have fun and if you ask me to recomend something to an older person I’d say “enjoy life!!” because I may be lonely, I may moan about alomst everything and I may be green but I sure know how to have a good time.